Pretence
Posted on
Wednesday, Dec 3 at 11:45 pm
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Counting down 4 more days to 7 December 2008..
因为不要别人操心, 我勉强自己, 隐藏伤口, 显出他们想要看到的”我”.
我虽然不是真正的快乐, 但为不要增加别人的烦恼, 我愿意隐藏我的心声, 假装自己过得很好.
我无法接受那时候的打击.听说C为我和其他的人而烦恼. 我好讨厌我自己. 我伤心就罢了, 我自己堕落是我的事.为什么要让C 为了我伤心,烦恼,担心.. 她本来是一个很活泼开朗的,可是因为我的固执,给她带来困脑. 那时,她开导我很多,但我什么都听不进. 她说我可以适应那边的环境与人因为那些人的性格跟我相似. 有一次通电话时..说着说着, 她哭了. 听到她颤抖的声音..担心我的心情..我也哭了. 为了让她放心, 我告诉她我已经准备好要适应新的生活, 新的组. 但那,只是个善意的谎言. 我根本一点心理准备都没有.
她却不知道那时候的打击已经把我变得很内向. 我已经不是我了. 尝试适应心的组. 看到那组, 仿佛看到我以前的背影. 不管我多么努力的尝试融合在一起, 我还是不习惯. 看到他们,让我想到以前的自己. 我也不知道我到底要自己做怎样的人. 开朗的 还是不是安静的? 我无法打开自己的心结. 如果催眠能让痛覺少一些, 我愿意魔术师能为我做法..带我走到遥远的以后.
可以讲心事的朋友越来越少. 不是他们的错, 而是我封闭我自己. 也因为不要别人为我操心, 我才有那么多不能说的秘密..
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hey girl.. i hope you’re feeling better.. havent been talking to you often.. but i realised you’ve been sad, depressed.. and basically just down. =( just want you to know that you’re always on my mind, even if i hardly talk to you, even if im not there, even if i dont see you for a very long time. because you’re a really good friend of mine, a sister i really care for, really love. because of that, and purely and solely because of that, i’d want to know how you’re doing, its okay if you dont want to tell me, its okay if at that point of time, you dont want to say, but just know that i’ll forever be here for you, to talk to.. we dont have to go shopping or anything, you can call me anytime, we can just go like je to sit and talk, play cards or anything like that..
dear girl, whatever happens, i’ll be here for you, to listen, to talk, for secret hideouts, for games, whatever okay? seeing you like this totally breaks my heart, but i dont want you to not tell me just because you dont want to make me worry, because that’s what friends are for. i want to be there for you, and if im not, i’ll feel worse.
silly girl, things like that arent meant to be kept to yourself.. but i wont force you to say anything. i just hope you’d be happy, not fake happy,m but truly happy…
okie, i cant see what im typing already, there’s too much green here, haha. we’ll be meeting on sat, =) yayyy. haha. i’ll see you then alright? take care dearest sister, take care.. eat those menstrual pills, drink a lot of water, it helps. dont eat cold stuff! take care….